Last time I wrote, I laid some groundwork for introducing the topic of money and sex, in which I shared how people having difficulty with fertility often notice they also have difficulty with “creation” in general - getting their business off the ground, making important relationship changes happen, etc.
Today I want to get more into how your money stuff and creation stuff often comes down to sexual energy, and how well your sexual energy flows… or doesn’t flow.
The same parts of the body associated with the energy of creation/fertility (the hips, lower abdomen, and reproductive area) are also the parts of the body associated with abundance, money, pleasure, connection, and sensuality. This whole physical area is sometimes called the “sexual center.” When the sexual center is open and functioning well, your flowing sexual energy - aka “chi” or life-force energy - will support your experiences around these themes. So if your relationship with money is constricted, it’s likely that you’ll notice parallel constrictions around intimacy, pleasure, sensuality, fertility, etc.
I remember a business masterminding meeting I was at once, in which a friend of mine, a money coach, told me that if I wanted to grow my business to the next level I should take a look at my sex life. “Are you feeling juicy, sexy, and satisfied?” she asked. When I told her things were feeling a little dry in that department, she said, half jokingly and half not, “Great! Easy fix. Go get some.”
Now, let me be clear, it’s simplistic to say any of this is just about sex. Having more sex isn’t the same as nourishing your sexual energy. Sexual energy - which certainly impacts the quality and pleasure of intercourse - is about much more. Sexual energy IS pure life force energy. And when it’s flowing well, you’ll feel vibrant, alive, and connected to your senses, your body, & your relationships.
So if you have money problems, which could include “not enough” money, preoccupation with money (constant thoughts/calculations running through your head), or other variations of angsty patterns, assess the health of your sexual energy.
When it comes to healthy creative, sexual energy there are 3 things I suggest looking at:
Healing old sexual wounds & traumas. 25-40% of women have experienced any number of major sexual violations. There are different levels of resolution and healing available - even if the trauma is decades old. Many women who have already processed these traumas via therapy, etc., find that holistic healing approaches help release the more subtle residue these experiences have left behind. Women are surprised by the shifts they feel from seemingly subtle healings - the impact often starts with more safety/power, but ripples out to more aliveness, more sensuality, and more ease. And that’s just for starters.
Attending to the impact of “everyday sexism” from outside (and from within). I’m now referring to those everyday traumas experienced by most women, things you may think of as “traumas with a little ‘t’” like: Sexist or demeaning media images, overt sexism at work, subtle sexism in spiritual communities… even my own field of psychology was founded upon the idea that women who were connected to their emotions in a certain way were “neurotic” and needed treatment from men (they were pathologized for wanting to express their sexuality and redistribute imbalanced societal gender roles). This category of traumas affects every woman I know. It’s important you don’t discount the impact of these daily experiences, because such traumas are held in your sexual center, and they most definitely add up over time. If your sexual energy flow is less like a river and more like a trickle, perhaps these everyday traumas need to be detoxed from your body.
Using sexual energy for health, to create change, & to enliven your day to day life. Very few of us were raised to understand what it means to be connected to our bodies, to feel positive about being a woman, or to tap into the power of emotions in the particular way only we as women can. We don’t realize how GOOD we’ll feel when this huge piece of mind/body health is in place. Instead, most of us had bewildered or tired parents who taught us – consciously or unconsciously – to “shut down” emotions, to focus on primarily cultivating our minds, and to look to media for cues on what it means to be a woman. Sex, if discussed openly at all, was presented to most women I work with in completely conflicted ways: it’s shameful/natural, it’s good/it’s unsafe, your worth comes from being able to give a man kids/don’t get pregnant… I’ll stop there. But I have found that many common cultural messages about sex are practically impossible to navigate. We have to be sexy, but not too sexy or we might be judged as sluts. We’re taught that looks are the most important thing, but beauty shouldn’t seem like an effort or we might be judged as shallow.
AHHH! No wonder our sexual energy is all tied up! And it’s no surprise, when you start to understand this wider context, why tangled sexual energy shows up as conflicted money relationships, low libido, subdued vibrancy, inaccessible sensuality… and lower fertility rates across the board. Because it’s kind of a mess!
So it’s worth your while to to invest some energy into personal healing if you have an accumulation of traumas still sitting in your body. It’ll pay for itself - very literally - and will anchor your system into that magnetic, vibrant, healthy, and creative space that supports wholeness, that truly supports a full life.
I hope this will encourage you to take action, especially if you’ve had a nagging “action step” tapping your shoulder for a while. Your body always knows what it needs. So listen to that wisdom, and take the time to heal on all levels - and know that every positive shift you make when it comes to your sexual energy, will positively impact your relationship with money, too.
That inner critic can get pretty harsh sometimes. How much energy do you think would be freed up for you if:
-you weren’t tempted to scrutinize your body each morning (or however often) while looking in the mirror?
-you were as loving towards yourself as you are towards everyone else in your life?
-you didn’t have any perfectionism-angst driving your work, driving how things need to appear on the outside?
-you had no need to prove your own worth to yourself, over and again?
-being nice to yourself took no effort?
Although there is a purpose to having an ego, to having judgements, many of us waste a lot of energy orienting around - and fighting against - our inner critics. If we all could change this trend, we’d see major changes ripple out across the planet impacting our kids, our earth, our health.
We all want that… of course But HOW do we get there?
How do you let go of those self-judgements, those “not-enough” beliefs you default to all too often? How will you show the kids of the next generations what self-love is, particularly if you never saw any models of unconditional self-love during your formative years?
The good news is, there are concrete ways to build the self compassion muscle. Here are just a few!
The main thing to remember when cultivating a new way of being towards yourself is to, as consistently as you can, come back to the practice anytime you notice yourself getting judge-y again (it’ll happen). Your inner critic has been on the job since your school-years, if you’re like the average person, so don’t be frustrated by the timeline required to train a new part of yourself. It’ll get there. And soon, it won’t require as much attention. One day, you’ll notice, those self-compassionate thoughts are IN there! In your bones!
So just keep practicing; the results can be magic when you simply commit to keep at it!
Some time ago, I wrote an article about “communication prompts” for couples on a fertility journey. And I got a lot of feedback about it, about how helpful it was to have a number of kind but clear one-liners to use in real life conversations with people who don’t really “get” what you’re going through.
What was interesting to me was how many readers requested additional communication prompts - that were specific to male partners! But that’s a “whole other enchilada” as they say, isn’t it? Not as simple as setting a new boundary with a co-worker or what have you. One-liners won’t in and of themselves create connection, which is really what we actually want in our romantic relationships. So I’ve been thinking about how to offer something useful around this request. What I’ve come up with are a few of my more potent “conversation savers” to share… and then for those of you really yearning for intimacy, to “be gotten,” I’m going give you information for an 8-week online class I’m going to start. So check that out if you might be interested.
What YOU can say when:
He’s going straight into problem solving/action mode…
He’s not great at guessing how to support you…
He’s getting defensive
Naturopathic Medicine has a few basic tenets that seem almost common sense. Use of natural substances (such as herbal medicine, nutrition, and homeopathy) to help rebalance the body and allow for the healing force to heal itself, is the ideal. Naturopathic Doctors are trained in 4-6 year medical programs that integrate eastern and western medicine. While Western Medicine is primarily focused on diagnosis, followed by “fixing” the problem, Naturopathic Medicine is focused on discovering the root cause. Many people consider Western Medicine to be a proficient band-aid. Western Medicine does have many advantages such as the advance of technology that allows doctors to help with things that even a hundred years ago may have appeared miraculous.
Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, on the other hand, have gotten good results for helping women rebalance their bodies from stress, reverse the damage to ovaries and eggs, as well as tonify the body overall to be able to conceive. I know lots of women get great results with Acupuncture.
Naturopathic Doctors fulfill a very different need, however. NDs consider it fundamentally important to understand the functions and pathways of the body and intimately understand hormones that can affect health and wellness. In addition to this foundation, however, Naturopathic Medicine also includes training in natural modalities for supporting the vital force of the body to heal. These therapies vary from Naturopathic doctor to doctor, as different practitioners may focus on different therapies. A majority of NDs do practice herbal medicine, functional medicine, nutrition, homeopathy, energy healing, and more.
Infertility is a complex diagnosis with many potential underlying causes. Naturopathic Doctors are particularly proficient in helping uncover a deep underlying cause that may not be obvious. Because Naturopathic Medicine views the body in a holistic way with a myriad of connections (that could be deemed otherwise unrelated), it is easy for NDs to recognize the deeper issues that may be contributing to a couple’s inability to conceive.
In my experience, Acupuncture is a great adjunct to Naturopathic Medicine & IVF/IUI. My recommendation is to go all out, with multiple approaches, because the complexity of infertility needs to be addressed on many levels. All of the different approaches fill very unique needs for the client, but there's no one right answer. When we, as practitioners, collaborate fully, our clients get results faster. And, that's what I am all about! When couples are ready to start a family and they are getting older and don't have a lot of time, I think it's ideal to use a multi-disciplinary approach. It breaks my heart when clients come to me after having tried acupuncture for 5 years... I wonder why they waited 5 years before trying something else or adding something else? Often, they come from referrals from their acupuncturist, but it's only after they have fully exhausted their time with the acupuncturist. And, I have been able to help most of these couples-- however, I just wond er if they wouldn't have been saved anguish and disappointment if their work with me was started sooner, in collaboration with acupuncture.
So, overall, what I can offer clients is very different from acupuncture. Acupuncture can strengthen the body, help with stress, and re-balance the energetic body. I really like to work on the physical-mental-emotional from a different perspective. On the physical level, we want to detoxify and clear the channels of the body. Then, we are testing and rebalancing hormones (often undiagnosed abnormalities that Western Medicine missed). And lastly, we work on the mental - energetic layers. In short, using a mind-body approach to conceiving and birthing a healthy child is essential -- and can happen easily when you have a team of practitioners caring for you and your partner's health and well-being.
Remember they say, "it takes a village to raise a child?".... these days, I say, it takes a village to conceive and birth a child.
By Dr. Aumatma www.draumatma.com
This is the email that was supposed to go out a few weeks ago. But I got sick, and it never made it to the production stages (that’s a little typing joke). Sometimes, I’m sure you can relate, I feel tempted to push through things when I’m sick. But the topic I had in mind was “self love” so I really didn’t want to bypass my own main teaching point by forcing my body to work. And so I stayed horizontal. :)
New Year’s, for me, is often a time of deep inner contemplation. I sometimes try on for size a few resolutions, but I often skip that ritual. This time of year isn’t the best season for forging new habits (spring is). But on the other hand, it’s never a bad idea to go inward and hit the reset button. This time of year IS good for that!
My invitation for myself is simple this year, and I want to offer it to you, in case you want to take it on as well. As we move into 2015, I want to use self-love as my barometer and point of orientation. That’s it! Focus on self love. What does this mean in more concrete terms?
1. Asking, “What would be the most loving thing I could do for myself in this moment?” This will be my guiding question, and once I get into the habit of asking it, I predict it will run through my head several times a day.
2. Noticing my self-judgments (the word “should” is usually my biggest tip-off that a judgment or subtle criticism is lurking nearby) and picking a more compassionate story instead. Example: I should’ve already had the New Year’s email written and cued up before I even got sick which underneath it falls into the “I should be doing more and getting it done sooner" story. I know this story well. And it’s funny how often it sneaks up given the fact that I’m actually a very hard worker, and I am more in balance when I turn my inner “hard worker” down a notch or two. So the compassion I bring to myself is the reminder that I do plenty, it’s enough, and I love myself even when I don’t meet my own deadlines.
3. Self-love for me does go hand in hand with my value of self-improvement. I will always be stretching, growing, and gravitating towards the self-help section of my favorite bookstores. That’s just who I am. And, it’s important to be okay with the person I am today. So how do I balance these two out? I try to pick just one or two areas I want to focus on at any given point to spare myself the criticism that comes when I find out it’s impossible to change everything all at once. If I do make a new year’s goal, then I choose one that’s focused and feels really right – then I relax about everything else. And it’s an important approach for me to take, because I often pick pretty lofty goals for myself… so it helps me be more successful at achieving what I put my energy towards (self love) while moving towards it in a manageable way (self love).
What acts of self-love resonate for you?
Does everything go a little off-balance for you during the holidays?
Every year, I hear a lot about holiday stress & angst that does not lend itself to festive, peaceful celebrations. Friends, clients, women in TV ads – they all say the same basic thing, “If I could just get through the holidays this year with some sanity, that’d be great.” As if just surviving the holidays is all they would ask for. Never mind enjoying the holidays. Or enjoying a fertility boostduring the holidays (yes, that is possible!).
Can you relate to these “shadow” holiday archetypes for women:
1 - The Stress Case – It’s easy to get stressed when shopping in frenetic stores, driving in heavy holiday traffic, and bouncing around from one occasion to another. But when your fertility is a top priority, it’s no secret that stress is the last thing you want to subject yourself to during the holidays. Your nervous system doesn’t need any more reasons for shifting into fight/flight.
2 - The Obligatory “Yes” Whisperer – Trust me, I know this one. “Sure, I can take care of this. Yes, I can also handle that.” This archetype genuinely want her guests to have a really good time together, might be the only one in the family that everyone gets along with, and begins to believe (blending with # 3) that if she can just think of what will make everyone happy, all will be well at the Christmas eve dinner – and therefore in her soul. :)
3 - The Do-it-all Mode – Who knows? Maybe perfection will save the day. When you’re in DIA mode, there’s this underlying idea that if the decorations, gifts, and baking projects all line up in some magical way, it’ll heal grief, mend broken connections, or inspire your soul. And the truth is that sometimes it works a little. It’s just that the majority of the time, it can be pretty disappointing to find that a lot of effort gets wasted and you end up exhausted.
4 - “I Give Up” – This is what people do when they’re sick of the other options. And there can be a certain wisdom in giving up sometimes. It’s just that there’s a pretty big difference between surrender and collapse. One feels blissful and relaxing, the other empty and frustrating.
If the shadow side of the holidays – consumerism, obligation, frenzy, etc. – often gets to you, it’s important to set up lots of extra support this year while you’re trying to conceive. The holidays last the better part of two months, a substantial chunk of time in the realm of fertility.
So plan ahead - how can you support yourself during this time - and keep things going in the positive direction for your body come the new year?
Okay, you guys. I’ve seen lots of thoughtful responses to this news about “egg freezing” as a new HR perk for female employees. And over the years I’ve had lots of conversations with women (friends, clients) who nonchalantly throw out egg freezing as “the” answer to many questions they have about age, starting a family, advancing in their career. I know it sounds compelling, egg freezing. It did to me, too, when I first began to research it professionally. And I certainly work with plenty of clients who have gone this route, so I don’t have judgments about what any one person should/shouldn’t be doing in terms of their fertility.
What I can say is this – there has been little long-term research conducted around any assisted reproductive technologies. Next to none, in fact. There are many non-“Big Pharm” scientists who have voiced concerns about the role of ARTs in the fact that 1 out of every 2 children these days is born with developmental disabilities or chronic health issues (including asthma, which I had as a child). But theirs is an unpopular perspective.
What I recommend to those of you worried about your age is a solution that will, if you’re willing to embrace the fullness of it, benefit your entire body and “reverse” your biological age. First, read on my biz page the article about how the age issue is oversold and overhyped… You’ll be amazed by how differently you might feel about these things when you’re not in that particular fear story. But it is important to take action, too. To REVERSE the biological age of your eggs (as well as the rest of you, thank you very much) consider: a heavy metal, parasite, and processed food detox; a pantry/fridge overhaul; EMF reduction in your sleeping and work spaces; stress reduction techniques for your zapped bod; some emotional housecleaning around sex, past grief, etc; herbal and probiotic supplements; sexual and dental hygiene upgrades (not kidding); and much, much more time in nature. I swear to you – you will experience miracles if you take on a protocol like this. And egg freezing will be unnecessary to the vast majority of you. Just my professional .02. Hope it helps.
To read the original article referenced above, click here.
How close are you to giving birth? Now think ahead a few years into the future, and imagine what it’s going to be like to teach your child how to ride a bike for the first time - without the training wheels. Or jump off the high dive. Or step foot into the kindergarten classroom.
The same kinds of things kids need you to embody in these situations that might be a tad-bit scary for them, are the same things they need as you get close to your due-date.
In today’s video - just 3 minutes long - I share the 3 basic messages you want to send to your baby as you think about birth. Sometimes it’s easy to get so caught up in your prep process, classes, etc. that you forget your baby has a big job to do in his or her own right. So as you communicate with you lil one, stick to these core messages, and it will do a lot for them. During the 3rd trimester (and really before, as well) babies are showing us more and more about how much is being programmed into their neurology. That’s why my clients and I talk so much about protocols for releasing any stress that’s been in the picture.
But just as an older child will often respond courageously to little boosts of encouragement, your baby will too. It’s pretty simple, really. Take a look. :)
Mary Goyer, M.S. specializes in mind-body approaches to fertility, pregnancy, birth and parenthood - blending her training as a Marriage & Family therapist with her holistic expertise and deep spiritual connection.