We talk about it so little "out there" - and yet almost 80% of women (whether they know it or not) will experience at least one pregnancy loss during their lifetime. 80%!!!
But depending on your fertility goals, how much effort & intention you’ve put into getting pregnant, and a host of other factors, pregnancy loss can absolutely knock you over with grief and exhaustion.
A miscarriage takes a huge toll on your physical body. Experts recommend giving yourself a full year to recover from a miscarriage before trying again. Even if you’re older and worried about running out of time, Roy Dittman OMD of The Brighton Baby says this: “Women that rush into getting pregnant immediately after a miscarriage have a much higher chance of miscarrying a second time… Wait 12 months before trying to conceive again. One year’s worth of preconception preparation will easily “subtract” two or more years from your Biophysical Age - literally turning your biological clock backwards. By waiting, you will be more likely to become pregnant and carry your future baby to term.” He then goes on to offer his very comprehensive physical protocol for rebuilding & strengthening the body, and it is really worth checking out.
What I see even more people rushing through after a loss other than attending to their body, is paying attention to their emotional healing. I do get all the reasons why it’s tempting to gloss over the grief. However, you do yourself and your body a disservice when when you ignore what’s just true about the heaviness of loss, because there are parts of grief that won’t go away until you deal with them consciously. You can delay the emotional healing, but that will tend to delay your fertility timeline, in the process.
My friend and grief counselor, Karen Mehringer of www.liveapurposefullife.com offered a few ideas for supporting the healing process that I want to re-share here.
- Slow down, take the time out, rest – full permission for as long as it takes
- Express the feelings of grief – shame, anger, frustration, unworthiness… the heaviness moves more easily when you let yourself go there
- Find a support group, formal or one with friends who can "go there" with you – it's normal to want to isolate, but connecting to support can be one of the most healing things you do
- Ask “spirit” for help – things will start to show up!
- Write a letter to the baby
- Create a ritual – like planting a tree
- Create an alter
- Develop a daily gratitude practice
- Move your body - walk, yoga, swim, dance - just find something that moves you (bonus points: include nature)
- Find a way to give back, be of service to other people
- Communicate what you need from one day to the next – be willing to ask for support
Energetic or Soul-Level Perspectives
Another thing I like to do with clients is look at the miscarriage from a totally different perspective, which often shines a light on things for them that brings with it spontaneous healing on all levels. If you’re curious about that, keep your eyes open for the calls we offer from time to time - we'll be addressing these topics in detail.