Reframing "Faux Feelings"
Needs/Feelings - 2 Handouts Posted
Courtesy of the Center for Richer Living:
When Affirmations Begin to Work
A lot of information continues to come forth about how a positive fertility mindset is THE missing piece for many couples struggling with “infertility.” From a holistic perspective, the mental and emotional slices of the pie are sizable, and the larger western medical community is beginning to see that, too.
Everyone gets that stress, hopelessness, and negativity is going to make things more difficult. It makes sense. Stress and negativity cause tension, poor circulation, inflammation, and hormonal imbalances in the body. So it has to be addressed, the doctors tell you.
But the big question is how can you get rid of stress, short of quitting your job? How can you shift, little by little, into a place of peaceful trust? If you’re like most people, that’s where you need help.
Now, a “mind over matter” attitude, positive affirmations, the law of attraction, and the like are great. But the problem is, these exercises have a bit of a glass ceiling on them because they tend to access what we call the “thinking brain.” Western psychology focuses on trying to shift things by thinking. But thinking just doesn’t connect to the emotional brain, where fears like “my body is betraying me” really sit. You might understand logically that your body isn’t really trying to betray you, but it can still feel that way! You might intellectually know that your mother in law’s comments aren’t meant to hurt you, but in the emotional brain it can still register that way.
What exactly is the emotional brain? Also known as the hind brain, the emotional brain is the primary place that lights up on brain scans when you’re emotionally charged. It’s located toward the base of the skull, and is unfortunately not much affected by insight or logic.
In other words, you can logically understand that you need to be peacefully visualizing a healthy pregnancy… But until you are able to shift things in that emotional hind-brain, it will feel fake or out of focus. And your physical symptoms will remain.
Change doesn’t happen until that emotional brain is reached. But the good news is that tapping into the healing powers of that emotional brain is very powerful, once you know how to do it. Stress begins to dissipate. Your body begins to relax and release constriction. And positive, hopeful affirmations begin to feel amazingly within reach.
So if you’ve been struggling with your mental game, trying without much luck to shift stressful, anxious thoughts, it’s likely that you’ve been attempting tothink your way out of them. Neurologically, that’s an uphill battle. The key is in the emotional brain. Shift what’s going on neurologically in the emotional brain, and you will see change. In the holistic world, we help people with this every day so there’s plenty of support for the changes you want.
Until that change happens, have compassion for yourself. You’re not struggling mentally & emotionally because there’s something wrong with you. You just haven’t found the right "connect to the truth" tool for you.
The way to find what will make a difference for you? Say a prayer... or if "prayer" doesn't resonate, think of it as sending out a general request to the universe to see what shows up as far as some guidance. Then follow it.
Mary Goyer, M.S. specializes in mind-body approaches to fertility, pregnancy, birth and parenthood - blending her training as a Marriage & Family therapist with her holistic expertise and deep spiritual connection.