Pregnancy loss is a touchy subject, and rightly so. 

We talk about it so little "out there" - and yet almost 80% of women (whether they know it or not) will experience at least one pregnancy loss during their lifetime. 80%!!!

But depending on your fertility goals, how much effort & intention you’ve put into getting pregnant, and a host of other factors, pregnancy loss can absolutely knock you over with grief and exhaustion.


Physical Considerations

A miscarriage takes a huge toll on your physical body. Experts recommend giving yourself a full year to recover from a miscarriage before trying again. Even if you’re older and worried about running out of time, Roy Dittman OMD of The Brighton Baby says this: “Women that rush into getting pregnant immediately after a miscarriage have a much higher chance of miscarrying a second time… Wait 12 months before trying to conceive again. One year’s worth of preconception preparation will easily “subtract” two or more years from your Biophysical Age - literally turning your biological clock backwards. By waiting, you will be more likely to become pregnant and carry your future baby to term.” He then goes on to offer his very comprehensive physical protocol for rebuilding & strengthening the body, and it is really worth checking out.



Emotional Considerations

What I see even more people rushing through after a loss other than attending to their body, is paying attention to their emotional healing. I do get all the reasons why it’s tempting to gloss over the grief. However, you do yourself and your body a disservice when when you ignore what’s just true about the heaviness of loss, because there are parts of grief that won’t go away until you deal with them consciously. You can delay the emotional healing, but that will tend to delay your fertility timeline, in the process. 

My friend and grief counselor, Karen Mehringer of www.liveapurposefullife.com offered a few ideas for supporting the healing process that I want to re-share here.  

1. Slow down, take the time out, rest – full permission for as long as it takes
2. Express the feelings of grief – shame, anger, frustration, unworthiness… the heaviness moves more easily when you let yourself go there
3. Find a support group, formal or one with friends who can "go there" with you – it's normal to want to isolate, but connecting to support can be one of the most healing things you do
4. Ask “spirit” for help – things will start to show up!
5. Write a letter to the baby
6. Create a ritual – like planting a tree
7. Create an alter
8. Meditate/pray
9. Develop a daily gratitude practice
10. Move your body - walk, yoga, swim, dance - just find something that moves you (bonus points: include nature)
11. Find a way to give back, be of service to other people
12. Communicate what you need from one day to the next – be willing to ask for support 

You’ve quite possibly found, as you’ve read this list, that you’re already doing one or two of these suggestions, which is great! I’d like to invite you to try to find one that is a little bit of a stretch for you and try it on for size for the next week or so - especially if you’re really in the throes of grief right now. Otherwise, it’s a good idea to contact healing professionals like me or Karen, if you want some support that’s more individualized - particularly important if you’re feeling pretty stuck. 


Energetic or Soul-Level Perspectives

Another thing I like to do with clients is look at the miscarriage from a totally different perspective, which often shines a light on things for them that brings with it spontaneous healing on all levels. If you’re curious about that, keep your eyes open for the calls we offer from time to time - we'll be addressing these topics in detail. 

Maybe you'd be surprised to know that this was the first time I'd had an astrological reading. I learned a lot -- find out the one thing I got called out on the most (in, of course, the gentlest way). Can you relate to this issue?

If you're looking for a great astrological reading, check out www.soulvisionconsulting.com for more info. 

A lot of information continues to come forth about how a positive fertility mindset is THE missing piece for many couples struggling with “infertility.” From a holistic perspective, the mental and emotional slices of the pie are sizable, and the larger western medical community is beginning to see that, too.

Everyone gets that stress, hopelessness, and negativity is going to make things more difficult. It makes sense. Stress and negativity cause tension, poor circulation, inflammation, and hormonal imbalances in the body. So it has to be addressed, the doctors tell you.

But the big question is how can you get rid of stress, short of quitting your job? How can you shift, little by little, into a place of peaceful trust? If you’re like most people, that’s where you need help.

Now, a “mind over matter” attitude, positive affirmations, the law of attraction, and the like are great. But the problem is, these exercises have a bit of a glass ceiling on them because they tend to access what we call the “thinking brain.” Western psychology focuses on trying to shift things by thinking. But thinking just doesn’t connect to the emotional brain, where fears like “my body is betraying me” really sit. You might understand logically that your body isn’t really trying to betray you, but it can still feel that way! You might intellectually know that your mother in law’s comments aren’t meant to hurt you, but in the emotional brain it can still register that way.

What exactly is the emotional brain? Also known as the hind brain, the emotional brain is the primary place that lights up on brain scans when you’re emotionally charged. It’s located toward the base of the skull, and is unfortunately not much affected by insight or logic.

In other words, you can logically understand that you need to be peacefully visualizing a healthy pregnancy… But until you are able to shift things in that emotional hind-brain, it will feel fake or out of focus. And your physical symptoms will remain.

Change doesn’t happen until that emotional brain is reached. But the good news is that tapping into the healing powers of that emotional brain is very powerful, once you know how to do it. Stress begins to dissipate. Your body begins to relax and release constriction. And positive, hopeful affirmations begin to feel amazingly within reach.

So if you’ve been struggling with your mental game, trying without much luck to shift stressful, anxious thoughts, it’s likely that you’ve been attempting tothink your way out of them. Neurologically, that’s an uphill battle. The key is in the emotional brain. Shift what’s going on neurologically in the emotional brain, and you will see change. In the holistic world, we help people with this every day so there’s plenty of support for the changes you want.

Until that change happens, have compassion for yourself. You’re not struggling mentally & emotionally because there’s something wrong with you. You just haven’t found the right "connect to the truth" tool for you. 

The way to find what will make a difference for you? Say a prayer... or if "prayer" doesn't resonate, think of it as sending out a general request to the universe to see what shows up as far as some guidance. Then follow it.