- their stress increases the closer they get to their due date (which can cause early labor & unwanted tension)
- they’re constantly “in their heads” and have trouble connecting to their bodies (which makes it harder to relax the body when needed)
- the emotional aspect of birth isn’t sufficiently addressed (and old birth traumas creep in to the delivery room, which is entirely avoidable)
- labor and birth becomes unnecessarily difficult
It doesn’t have to be this way. Do the Emotional Prep… It changes everything.
Most people will need to focus on 6 steps to make labor and delivery MUCH easier, quicker, and yes – orgasmic. At least 2-6 months before your due date, treat & clear all pregnancy/birth/motherhood-related fears or traumas that you might have running a little too strongly. Let me show you what I mean.
6 Steps to an easier, more transcendent birth:
1. Process & clear your own birth trauma (Do you know your birth story?) - You may have access to “the facts” and you may not. Either way, whatever occurred during your birth made an imprint for better or for worse, and is cued up to be repeated. If your own birth was difficult, it's more likely that the birth of your children will be, too. This repeating pattern doesn't necessarily mean the same exact issues will arise... but just that your body will give you another chance to try to work out whatever wasn't resolved from your past.
When I was born, my grandfather was in the end-stages of Alzheimers and my mom was under an incredible amount of stress. She can’t remember too much about my actual delivery – I was kid number 3 and things were relatively routine – but this grief imprint that I know was there has been important for me to address. I was born surrounded with a lot of love, but also with a lot of angst and worry. The difficult feeling wasn't about me, but the imprint was still there waiting to be healed.
Often times, the connection is a little more direct.
I once had a client who was terrified to give birth and didn’t know why because her own birth story was uneventful. After thinking for a minute, she remembered her mom almost died in childbirth when her older sister was born. So that fear was still in the room during her birth, no doubt. As we cleared that family trauma of mom almost losing her life, my clients’ fear about her own pregnancy dissolved, too. Permanently! (She now has given birth twice and describes both as being “...incredibly easier than she ever imagined possible.")
In your case, particularly if there were any complications during your birth, I highly recommend finding out what those complications were (to the extent that you can), and making sure you’ve done some healing work to shift the places where your body still holds those traumas… You don’t want them in the room during your delivery, so move ‘em on out!
2. Clear concerns you have about labor - This may or may not overlap with Step 1. If you're nervous about labor, as mentioned above, the first thing to look at is your own birth story. But there are other places to look, too. Some women pick up fears about labor just by listening to all the horror stories friends, doctors, and the media spout out too regularly.
It’s impossible to not pick up a few fears from our culture in which birth generally requires hospitalization, medication, and so forth, just as if you were sick.
But if you are more than a little nervous about labor and birth, you should know that you can heal your fears.
Many, many of my clients reported that they had “twinges of nervousness” as they approached labor, but that they overall felt prepared, trusting, and ready to go. You deserve the same.
3. Detangle issues you have around sexuality – “Orgasmic” birth experiences are real, but relatively rare. I think that’s because so many of us grew up with tons of hangups about our bodies, being attractive, being feminine, guilty about sex, etc.
On top of that 1 out of every 4 women report being violated sexually by age 25 or so. There are a ton of sexuality triggers just waiting to blow up, especially during labor and birth. It’s not your fault if you’re part of the silent majority that suffers sexual shame, blame, or anxiety. Just know that any work you do to release these patterns will automatically free your body of tension.
Creating new patterns in your body of sexual freedom will increase circulation, allow for more openings physiologically, make it easier to breathe, and much more FUN to give birth.
Are you intrigued? ;) Good!
4. Address your worries around being a mom – If you’re stressed about this baby, about finances, about balancing work responsibilities, about how you can make things work given all that’s going on, let’s talk. If these concerns (or ones like them) are on your mind on any regular basis, there’s good news and bad news.
Bad news first? Those thoughts are sending a cocktail of stress chemicals through your body every time they take the driver's seat. Which causes more tension in your body and, over time, an increased possibility of complications.
The good news is that you really can employ a myriad of tools to manage the day to day stress that you don’t have control of (like work stress, perhaps), as well as totally dissolve the many sources of stress you do have control of.
You might not have ever believed it IS POSSIBLE TO GET RID OF STRESS, but it is. If you don’t know how to do it, enlist support. It’s going to make a major impact on how you feel – and how your body responds during birth.
5. Attend to Dad’s birth trauma – This is important! Does your baby’s father know his birth story?
There are times when you can’t attend to this directly (you are pregnant from donor sperm or are otherwise not in communication with the father), but otherwise, you need to ask Dad to investigate his own birth story, what his mom experienced before, during, and after birth, what the story was like during his siblings birth(s), etc.
I know this concept is a little more abstract, but I need you to get that Dad, and whatever is going on in his energy, is in the soup here. He’s part of the alchemical mix.
If Dad knows he’s got some birth baggage, best case scenario is he invests time to heal and process it himself. That’s what creates the best outcome during the birth of your baby. If he won’t (some men don’t get how important this is) some of the work can be done almost as if on his behalf… It’s all about sexual alchemy & healing work at its essence. This is something I'll share more information on in the future.
6. Clean up Dad’s fears, family traumas, and/or worries about being a dad – When dad is stressed, it impacts you physically. It impacts your energy. So take the time to engage some conversation with Dad about what he’s worrying about. It may not be at the forefront of his brain, so this process may take some time and attention.
Again – If Dad is willing to tackle his own fears, stressors, and traumas himself, that’s ideal. If not, make sure you feel solid on your end.
The Bottom Line: The task here one way or the other is to make sure you’re supported and feel a firm foundation underneath you as you progress through your pregnancy, that you feel healthy, that your mind is working for you (not against), and that you feel prepared – mentally, physically, & emotionally.
Out of the six steps listed, which one would do you think would be the best one to look to first?
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